to be updated later... when im not falling asleep.

1. I locked my keys in the car for the first time today.

2. I am a treasure hunter, i love it, it's peaceful, i like doing it. i've found old coins, Indian beads, real arrowheads and i found a really nice ring just the other day. :)

3.my first kiss was last year.

4. I wouldn't tell anyone, who i thought was cute until i was 18.

5. I had a crush on a guy for 5 years... till i was 14.

6.I drive to random places just because i can! it's amazing! some times i park in random parking lots of businesses or parks. and i just read, paint or pray.

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I am facing the reality that he comes back that day, and i can't get around it. the next day, i have to be there. it's good, it's God im sure. at least i hope. it feels like peace, if nothing else, God can and will if we're/I'm willing, will use it for his good and glory.

One of my new favorite places to be.

Red Tape

i got letters on Saturday saying my contract with my job was cut on Friday, because my background check got closed because a letter got sent back to unopened. so i faxed them a letter to try and get it re-opened. it took two days and a lot of phone calls. I was making phone call circles. when i got home yesterday my dad gave me the message, that the lady called and said it was cleared up and they would send me a letter.
When i got home from faxing I got another letter in the mail. this one saying that my passport isn't going through yet because i need more proof of my birth.
I am trusting God with this stuff, and trying to do my part. all that i can do. but it didn't help that i was PMSing through most of this stuff and couldn't stop crying haha LAME!
None of this is the end of the world.
I told God I wanted to know he was in control and I'm sure he is giving me the opportunity to see it. This is an open door for him, I just need to remember that.

I had a dream last night.. that duff from "Ace of Cakes" was inlove with me. it was funny. it was a good dream.

I saw a jackrabbit today! it made me really happy.

It was the deep breath I was looking for.

Goals:
1.Travel.
2. No Kissing in 09
3. Hike once a week (to prepare for mazatlan)
4. Remember that God is fully incontrol.
5. Study Jesus.

(travel this year to at least Mazatlan, Mexico and Indiana. I want to stay with the Amish.)

oh sleeper, "vices like vipers"

Your scarlet soaked and bold and the sheep's eyes locked to mine, sink to my bones.Though your lips still drip, intentions, they keep me wanting more...It's rising against all the walls we built for falling.All the walls we built just stand in vain to draw you near.It's the wool to hide the wolves.And under these toes from where we last spoke, Your words laid so firm.But I did not shed that skin like You said.When the mason neglects the mortar, looks become deceiving and when the bricks start to fall,I'll be the one crawling down this road so dark.Vices like vipers Speak in whispers.My heel's the meat to sink their teeth,Like the viper I kept when You said, "Let go!"This is what it took for me to see.WHEN I AM GOD this church is unsound.Slithering in the shade of a sinking church,Surprise is no excuse for the traps that you left in the wake of warning. So this is the warning, You fall to learn.And to the girls,You're worth more than the cheap words.You see your body as beauty, but your pulse is worth more.Hear me, it's not what it seems, though the feeding tastes of honesty.This is the warning, you're just a hit to coax my urgency.Why do we keep what holds us? Why do I keep what holds me down? Lose the weight of defeat. It's time to stand your ground!
Like the viper
I kept when You said, "Let go!"
Since all the alibis of ignorance are void...
This, my lust, the pornos and the sluts.
Take, my lust, this world's Love.
Great Counselor, take what's left.
Great Counselor, take what's left of me