Forever and a day..

So it seems like it's been forever and a day since I've used a blog. I've been thinking about it and i think it's time to fire this bad boy up again!!!÷÷÷= So my 35th birthday was last week and it was fairly uneventful as a celebration, but this week is the birthday extravaganza!! Two nights camping in the yosemite valley. Yosemite is one of my favorite places of all time, I've been shopping and packing all week, i love every bit of it!

So along time ago, after helping with one of the weddings you gave me some flowers to take home and make an arrangement. As they died off I threw them out... one by one. But this little guy stayed green.. he didn't grow roots and sprout new leave, he just slowly, simply aged and turned brown. I trimmed him down to the last green leaf. I kept it as an experiment, and watched the calcium form on it.. he is now turning brown and about to be sent out.. but he's lasted what seems like years.

You're the Rubik's cube of my heart. I want to figure it out, but then realize I probably never will and then I just want to throw it out the window.

love sick fish.

Have you made me out to be a monster in your mind? It seems the only way of letting go. you play all the actions and moments out a million times over again, till all you see is how wrong I was. But You, You are far to Beautiful. I've tried. And everytime I do I feel like a fool. I miss you more. I'm like a fish caught on a hook bleeding from the jaw, I can't excape, I can't get anywhere else. I'm trapped, by my own mind. Your not reeling me in, no. But I'm just there, swimming.. soon to be floating. Maybe I'll brake the line and escape. But this line in my jaw will still be there.. this badge, this scar,I don't want to give it away.

My whole life I didn't want kids of my own.. I love kids, I just didn't want any... and then with in a few months I thought maybe... and now this week I've realized I want kids... all you guys today was just a reminder... oh crazy life.

Going to Mexico.. to find my Heart is here.

worn down, beat up and just not in a vary good mood is how I left Mexico.
it's beautiful the people, the food, the culture there, I really love all of it.
But as soon as we landed in California, my heart was glad again.. These are my people, This is my Heart. God has placed me here for a reason, for a purpose. These are my people, This is my Heart, and I know how to love them here. The great Almighty shows me his love here, He teaches me, He holds me and He grows me here.

Lately I've been really thankful  for my jobs. with the come and go of black friday I was realized how abundant my finances are..

  I am thankful for having a job and money to spend.

 

I am thankful for my family

 and for great friends.

and I am thankful for how I get to spend my time..

 

I am spoiled and I am loved, I am thankful and I enjoy my life <3