Random Is Beautiful

This is very unedited. maybe i will get to it later.
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It's almost 1am and i am so tired. today i went for about a six mile walk with coleen. we found a bunch of citrus trees along the path, and they were so good, i love fresh fruit like that. we had a bunch of good conversations, it's nice to have a girl friend. after then i went out to dinner just me :) el pollo loco BRC burrito with green sauce, and starbucks double chocolate chip something or other, just what i wanted tonight. then i spent about an hour in the yarn section at Michael's, trying to decide what color to make a sweater, and what type of yarn i to use, i wanted someone to ask me what i was doing, because after a while of staring at yarn im sure people start to think im just crazy. i ended up not even buying the yarn, i will go back tomorrow and pick something cute out, now that i have had more time to think about it. this is going to be a bigger project then just some little scarf. from Michael's i decided to go home and promptly changed my mind and just kept driving, i ended up on the north part of rancho and found amazing houses with really elaborate Christmas lights still up. it was such a nice drive up there.. i ended up in alta loma at a park i had been to twice, but each time in such a different way that till today i had no idea they were the same place. i got all bundled up (even though it really wasn't cold) and sat on the swings for a while and just look at the city. at this park from this place you can see all the city lights strewn across like a glitter on the sea, i just saw so much beauty tonight. i love being in that place, it's like being in God's arms, a warm lovely embrace.
I spent last night with my sister, we had a taco night at marks house and watched american gangster, it was a good night and david G made a apple pie thing, so good, the tacos were amazing! i love my sister.

Tonight the park was amazing, alone, just me and the swings. the drive was nice, it had been a while since i had such a laid back drive on those roads. the Christmas lights were nice to. fresh fruit and a really long walk with a friend makes for a nice day, and the weather was Amazing. and spending time with my sister was just really good.

learning so much about being a mom

It's crazy having the kids here all the time. i do feel as if i am part mommie for them. and it's crazy, funny how my mom feels like a grandma with them around. it's kind of cool, i think this will keep her from bugging me to have kids. and i know that if she does bug me about that, i can just rent some kids and she will be happy.

But this job really had been a blessing, and God and me have just been doing really good, I'm realizing that Dating God is a lot like Dating anybody else. you need to make time, be faithful, be patient, rejoice over the gifts, and trust.
it's been pretty cool.

And i am really enjoying our late night walks.

New Friends Today..

l

Yesterday I went outside
With my momma's mason jar
Caught a lovely butterfly
When I woke up today
Looked in on my fairy pet
She had withered all away
No more sighing in her breast
I'm sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn't mean to do you harm
Everytime I pin down what I think I want
It slips away
The ghost slips away
Smell you on my hand for days
I can't wash away your scent
I'm a dog then you're a bitch
I guess you're as real as me
Maybe I can live with that
Maybe I need fantasy
Life of chasing butterfly
I'm sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn't mean to do you harm
Everytime I pin down what I think I want
It slips away
The ghost slips away
I told you I would return
When the robin makes his nest
But I ain't never coming back
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

l

trying for artsy

so a run through of today..

Highlights.
Had a great time with mom, walked around an old town, went to a yarn store in San Dimas, went to in n out for dinner, looked for donut man but couldn't find it. came home. Had a nice walk with the boys (Cody, Jason, and Ralston). checked e mail. went over to Amalia's and played games, Justin (Baby dow) made us laugh so hard.
came home. now I’m going to bed.

I Love My Family.
God. Thank You.
GoodNight.

In-Love-Broken-Hearted today.
But it was a Good day.

I think I will try it again this year...

So, walking tonight, Me and Ralston went by this little house covered in Christmas lights. It reminded me of last year, when Me, Linkin, Ralston And Rene went on a walk to see the Christmas lights in Rancho. It was amazing. I Have So Many Good Memories.

I Am Orual At My Worst and Psyche At My Best.

quotas from Steve

"First is this stupid insinuation that to be critical of the USofA you should simply move off to another country because you're obviously not grateful for the freedoms this government gives us, as is our liberties were derived from the State.

On top of that, it's a ridiculous lie to say that we have special liberties in America we wouldn't have in other countries. Sure there are a few countries where Christians are actually persecuted (not called names), but every Western country has the same liberties Americans have. We don't hold liberty hostage in this Union.

But we should also realize that the US church is dead. Missionaries from all over the world actually come here! Christians come here and sit in our church buildings and weep over our excesses. We feast while the world starves. The Church in other parts of the world is praying persecution will come to the Church in America.

And the problem is because we don't think there's a world outside our borders. This is something I noticed when I was overseas: the news channels actually showed cities in other parts of the world. This was especially evident in weather reports. US weather reports has a map of the USA floating in space without anything outside the borders.

But what's worse is the Church in the US thinks Jesus is American, and theology is American, and the Church is American. This is not true. The majority of the Church is not in America. Yet where are the Indian theologians? The African theologians? The women theologians? Why does the American Church marginalize the congregations from the rest of the world?

And who really cares about these bogus "liberties" we get from the State. If you want to be free, you can only find this in Christ. "Free indeed!" The Churches in persecuted parts of the world may be oppressed, but I'll tell you one thing, they are FREE!"

I went outside right now, to see the stars...
mor's been talking about the stars lately and how they are amazing, and how we are God's daughters, his children, and how loved we are. as i looked up tonight i thought of what she said " it's like being kissed by god". i looked up tonight, and felt like i was looking into my loves eye's amazing, sincere, sweet. just love. tonight is a good night.

letters from the heart.

dear sir! : )
how are you doing? i hope you are doing well. how are your hands and feet? i worry that they get cold, but i pray they do not. i pray also that you and your team are safe. i found a book about a couple hiking the PCT, it was a random read at barns and noble seeing as i found it in the dog section. it was interesting reading the story of two people who don't have a faith,a hope and a God, going on a long trying hike. it was depressing how they talked with such a lack of hope. about the wonders, and beauties that God has made. i pray that God keeps your eye's fresh and opened to his beauty, and wonder. and that you continually seek him for your hope and peace. wow i bet you are having an amazing day.
be blessed, amazingly, wonderfully, overflowingly! :)

Expectations

God is going to move.
He is going to do something big.
I need to make time for Him/God.
This is going to be a good time with girls.

It's time for healing time to move on

It's time to fix what's been broken too long

Time make right what has been wrong

It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me

All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Revaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow your will

or just climbing aimlessly over these hills..

So show me what it is you want from me.

I give everything I surrender...To...

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I've wanted to say for so many years

Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

It's time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

Last night i made Fondant.

i made two batches, the first one i burnt and the second came out pretty good. the true test of it will be when i go to use it. I Really miss rene, God has him where he has him for a reason, so it's unfair for me really to miss him to much. im letting go a little bit for the time being.

I really miss david to. i miss hanging out with him, he's always been like a brother to me, i've never had to worrie about anything with him, we can joke and know it's only a joke, and it's always just been a nice good time.

Monday,

i road my bike to Andria B's new house and played with the kids while they loaded stuff at the old house and helped unload when they got back to the new house, it was a nice ride there, but a better ride back home. God is good, and i think by far he is Blessing me and Blessing other people around me.

Friday,

I went to Andria I's house and babysat theyre kids so she could go help her aunt, it's always a blessing being around her family, they are so loving and God fearing. she made lunch before she left and when they came home they told me I Had to stay for dinner! (unless i had somewhere else i needed to be) so i did, and it was wonderful.

Friday Night,

after dinner I i left for home or to hang out with my sister, I was staring at so much traffic i decided I wouldn't be going home for a while. I couldn't reach my sister on the phone, but i did reach Co and she invited me to the pumpkin carving party that she was at. it turned into a Great night.

From there I got invited to Andria B's monday and K.S's Party Saturday.

B&M had a party last night (tuesday) but I decided not to go, I think I made the right choice.

I am So Blessed.

the day had adventure in it.

so i started out in the morning, with songs on my lips, God in my heart, and a day ahead of me. i went to babysit and was nerves (nerves? why?). the day went well, and it was nice to be loved on by this family. they are so sweet to me, and i just want to be the biggest help to them. they kept me for dinner (amazing) and then i moved on. upon seeing traffic i decided to make some calls, and so it was that i ended up at one of the pastors houses for a party. as awkward as it could be, i felt loved, and God was there and is with me always and everywhere. i found some people there i don't usually get to see and have rad conversations with anymore, and it was amazing to just sit the two of us ( and her family) and just talk. it's funny how such a little thing is such a huge blessing. thank you God for today and all the things you do. may i be good tomorrow to.
(faithfulness?)
P.s. there is Much talk of Rene, and missing of him too.

It's time for hot coco again..

Do you ever feel the wind blow?
Do you ever feel like something big is coming? what is it? where will it take you? and is it something you need to push or will it just flow your way and carry you up in it?

the weathers changed yet again, it went from being unbearably hot to so cold and chilly with a wind that can almost freeze.
i feel the urge to create, the winds of change, and Gods hands pulling me in. i need to submit, to take up some wings and catch a ride on this Amazing, Cold, Wind.

Treasures in Heaven
21For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
27Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Temptations & Distractions.. Life is Good.

There's so many temptations and distractions surrounding me, i don't know what way is up or down. it feels like a tornado, or dust devil, just spinning with so much confusion and things flying around my head. so i need to take my self out of the situation, ground my self, and find the place where i can be in contact with Godly women, so will instruct me and teach me to look to the cross.
Questions:
Relationship?
Direction?
Job's?
Location(s)?
Answers:
Ground Your Self In God!
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

to know that God is powerful is amazing, to know that he loves us, me so intimately, so personally, to the inmost parts. he shows you love in ways that touch your heart, but another seeing that same act might feel nothing. he knows us, he knows YOU!

i want to spend so much more time with God. personal time. time alone, just me and him. yet I get so distracted, being at home feels like there's a million other things i should or could do that would be SO PRODUCTIVE, but the truth is, im missing out. I need to take time, breath, relax, and talk/pray/be silent with God.
I Really want to set time apart for him and me, I think leaving my surroundings helps that. y mind clears when i see nature and the beauty of it all, it feels like just me and God and were so in love... im so in love with him..

Thoughts on trying a new church...
I wish i had the courage and fearlessness/faith I had when I was in Indiana..
I will probably go in a couple weeks...
since this weekend I will be in Vegas.

I want to do something else fearless.. but im having a hard time of actually doing it. I want to take a full day and just go for a bike ride, for miles, or go for a hike. These things are hard for me to do here by myself.. and im not completely sure why. when i was in IN i did that kind of thing all the time. i felt like no one was counting on me so it didn't matter what happened. here i feel i have more responsibility, to be safe, to be back at a decent hour, and maybe even to invite people to my adventure.. when will i grow up?
Move On.

taking a walk....

Today was a good day, but hard. being at that lake reminded me so much of the last time i was there, and the thought of not having days like that with him again really hurts. ( i wonder if not knowing is better then knowing some times.. but im just not sure). the day was good, family, food, sun and just some nice time. i took a walk, tried to get my head cleared and get back to nature a little bit, it was lovely out, but it was packed with people there and noisy boats, so i found a rock by the lake and journaled.. the first time i had journaled in about a month. it was nice to just sit there and write my thoughts. it was pretty mind clearing, even with everyone about.

You Have Blessed Me.. Oh Little Me.

Today was interesting... in a really good way. I love my women's bible study, everyone is so different, but everyone is so vulnerable and willing to open them selves up and share with everybody. we are one body in many parts, sharing one heart. today was amazing, just how God uses us. and how he connects us with each other when we are willing... or maybe even when we are not. he seems to always give us opportunities...

so my day..
After bible study Stephenie v invited me to go with her to get some McDonald's for her kids, and then to go back to her house and have lunch with her and her family. she said she wanted to ask me questions.. and that she did. i was interrogated for hours and it was amazing, she is such a wonderful "lady". she asked me a bunch of question and we just talked about life and interest and anything at all.
...It's crazy God... Who am I that she would care and want to know so much about me?

there is also a connection with Ashley T that i think can be an amazing friendship/working from God. i don't know what or how, or if it will turn out. but i think we have a few interests that you will definitely, soon use in our lives. ....Thank You God For Today.

I Really Miss Him Today...

This is a neat idea....

knitting in the park.

I'll have to talk to Mrs. McCool about this!

.Bitter Sweet.

i finished The Screwtape Letters, By C.S. Lewis last night. and am now on the second chapter of "Till We Have Faces". I am becoming a fan of C.S. Lewis.

I am working on a painting of a girl, who is sad, torn down, yet has so much beauty and is trusting in God. it's based off of Lamentations and a verse or two in Song of Solomon. and just some thoughts on my life right now and Gods beauty..

Trying to be a better person

i cleaned out our pantry type cupboard today...
there are some small bug type things living in there, they get into everything, and i don't know how to get rid of them. so needless to say there was plenty of things to be thrown away. it looks much nicer in there now and i have a small feeling of accomplishment. i also did laundry. i think i shall find one more thing to clean and and then i will feel much accomplished for today.

Pray for David.

today. he is wondering what his next step is. does he stay in TX or not.